A former prosecuting attorney, now full-time mom and blog host, recently shared that many mothers with promising careers, had upon giving birth transformed their job skills into home businesses that allow them establish a base for present and future income, and continue pursing our passion, while maintaining the ability to shape our work schedules around our work that we equally love, that of wife and mother to our husbands and children.
Like the former attorney now mom and blogger, I, a licensed psychotherapist and author, operate my business of writing and publishing from home where I also attend my husband and three daughters.
This choice, daunting when I first came home, left me pondering whether I had taken the high road, and out on my commitment to, as a woman, carve out my own career and fate or success, separate and distinct from that of my husband, a surgeon.
Now over a decade and some years later, history has evidenced through the lives of two elder daughters, also adults, I made the best decision for both them and for me.
I do not advocate for mothers to either work full-time at home or to seek a career outside the home.
The decision to become a mother, enter this process of becoming, while also nurturing, is a personal choice that each woman must deliberate and choose with consciousness.
Likewise, a woman and/or mother’s choice of how she will balance the various aspects of her life, and upon which she will base her identity poses another choice that she must retreat into her heart of hearts and decide.
Her decisions must center on what she feels is best for her and her children, not simply in the immediate future, but twenty years down the road of time.
Many voices reign in the media advocating what women should and should not do regarding whether to work outside the home or full-time in the home.
One fact that many of these voices speaking through books, blogs and articles on various sites fail to mention regard what the actual numbers show concerning women who work inside the home full-time as compared to those who work also outside the home, and what those numbers indicate.
A recent post, Ann Romney and Me, by the author/blogger, Livia Gershon, of the Nashua (New Hampshire) Patch details how through her own research of speaking with women and mothers in and around the area in which she lives, that mothers in families with annual incomes above $100,000 are more likely to work outside the home than mothers in families with incomes lower than $100,000.
More research on Gershon‘s part demonstrated that, ” … Among married couples with kids under 18, the percentage of mothers who aren’t in the workforce tracks right along with income, from 23 percent in households making $100,000 or more to around 74 percent for those making $25,000 or less. … ” emphasizing as Gershon writes, “… it’s not just poor mothers on public assistance driving those statistics. ”
Gershon‘s research demonstrates, what Forbes contributor Samantha Ettus argues, “ … most moms have to work … choice is for a privileged few … ” doesn’t hold water.
Gershon says it more plainly, ” … it’s not true … .”
“[C]ensus data … ,” Gershon writes, ” … shows that mothers are more likely to be working if they’re highly educated and have high household incomes.”
Gershon’s conclusions leave me with even deeper questions.
Why do women such as Samantha Ettus and Hilary Rosen say that the choice to stay at home with their children stands out of reach for most women, a lack that they and others, mainly women, attribute to poor finances, when the numbers demonstrate quite the opposite?
For whom are they speaking?
And what is their purpose in making such misleading statements that distract readers and perhaps other women and mothers from the true issue–that of women having choice concerning how we will parent and the time we will spend with our children, free of the weighted concerns of economics, but also liberated from the opinions of those whose objectives in writing and speaking have less to do with parenting and sincere concern for other women and fellow mothers, and more with publicizing their own names and careers?
In short, they speak for themselves and their own businesses.
Hello! I just wanted to say that this type of decision applies not only to wives and mothers but to daughters in terms of aging parents. At the age of 36 my father became ill with terminal cancer. Dad passed away at age 65. My mother who had been ill for years then slowly got worse. Her condition deteriorated and she took became ill with cancer dying at age 68. During the time both my parents were sick I had to change my work schedule in order to care for my parents. The choice was a no-brainer. They took care of me when I was a child and could not do for myself so I took care of them when disease struck.
My point is that some point in our lives we are going to find ourselves resetting our priorities and readjusting our schedules to care for sick or disabled parents and/or siblings. I also want to say my brother has autism so more or less I’ve been responsible for him since we were kids. My schedule, my life revolves around him and his needs even though he has been living in a group home for developmentally disabled adults for close to 25 years. I love my brother and he needs me. I could never abandon him nor would I ever do so. My brother means so much to me that I’ve dropped boyfriends who did not accept him or understand why he comes first as opposed to them.
One of these days all those women who criticized “working mothers’, Mommy track or whatever it’s called these days will be rudely removed from their high powered career trips when they or someone close to them becomes ill or disabled.
Deborah:
Please forgive me for taking so long in responding, but this weekend was a bit crazy. Our family rallied around our youngest, age 13, and who is running for a seat on her school’s student council for next year.
As for your wonderful comment, I applaud your pristine truth and clarity on this subject that is touching more than a few in our society.
You are so right in all that you say. It ultimately behooves all of us to give thought to your last line, “One of these days all those women who criticized “working mothers’, Mommy track or whatever it’s called these days will be rudely removed from their high powered career trips when they or someone close to them becomes ill or disabled,” because anyone who is connected to any other human being(s) will experience what you have described.
And if we find that we are not then we are most likely alone, leaving an even greater question to address: “Who will care enough to rearrange their busy schedule(s) to attend our needs when they arise due to age and/or illness?”
The answer lies in what we have done for others.
Once again, thanks so much for taking the time to visit and leave such a honest and truth rendering comment.
Peace and blessings to you and yours.