Our youngest daughter and I play cello duets.
While neither of us is Yo-Yo Ma, I have experience powerful healing in this shared experience with our fifteen year old daughter.
Never mind she plays much better than I, her
Throughout the time of our youngest daughter being in Japan I experienced an incredibly painful bout of sciatica, the most difficult in the recent past experiences. Normally it erupts following an extremely strenuous session of exercise.
But I have not been exercising to keep me weight down, rather
Our youngest daughter, a high school freshman, returned home from Japan yesterday morning. She was gone for eight days. While happy for her to travel to and learn about life in another country, we all remained worried and nervous.
Unbeknownst to our youngest daughter, and on the same day she left for Japan, a Malaysian flight
My mother had no tolerance for my crying.
“If anyone looks at Anjuelle, she cries,” was how she described me.
She wanted to instill in me a mental toughness–what she had.
I was not going for it.
And so I cried.
In that a memoir, and the structure of any narrative, consists of scenes, I must write various scenes of my life, those that most depict my suffering for which I offer forgiveness and hold compassion for my mother.
This is hard. Not simply because I am writing of my mother, and about myself. The challenge lies in my lack of certainty, the ambiguity of my mother’s actions, and thus my ambivalence.
My mother was addicted to rage. I could not see that as a child. Only now at fifty-three, am I truly able to step back and grasp a sense of the fear that dwelled within her.
Nothing but intense, immutable and raw fear can provoke such undeniable and untenable rage as that which overtook my mother usurped any possibility of experiencing safety and grounding through life and in the world.
Too many times I saw that rage directed at me, felt the heat of its
Some months back I held a giveaway. For each person who completes the sentence, If you could ask your mother one question, it would be … I will forward a free pdf of my novel, Seasons in Purdah. For the twenty or more who have responded, I have also included a free pdf version of my latest novel, When the Drum Major Died.
The major characters, women, in my stories, face, as any well-developed