Now a mother of three daughters, a licensed psychotherapist and an author, I still lean back in awe at how much emphasis individuals of certain cultures, African-American included, place upon the success of our children.
Some weekends ago I attended the Senior Recognition Ceremony held each year by hundreds of Jack-n-Jill Chapters across the country, honoring the children of mother-members who having and preparing to graduate high school will in less than three months, leave for college.
Conversations during the meal, as usual, included discussions of children graduated in years past and how they are faring.
Our eldest, about to become a second year law student just received admittance to intern next summer (2013) with a British MP, an opportunity allowed her not simply due to her work in law school, but also resulting in part from having earned a MA in International Studies during which time she interned at the European Parliament.
Our middle, having just completed her freshman year at college, is while taking driving lessons, trying to figure out what she wants to study abroad during that time.
Both girls abroad next summer can look out for each other.
Our youngest, thirteen years old and set to enter eighth grade two months from now in August has worked hard the last two years to maintain practical and healthy balance between extracurricular activities in which she participated while holding focus on her academics, all done in her effort to build a resume’ that she will present when applying to high school this fall.
Applications go live in October 2012 on the websites of the schools to which she would like to gain entrance.
And if that is not enough, she is already considering how this CV will provide the raw data for the larger one she will focus on embellishing during her high school years and towards getting accepted to the college(s) she desires to attend.
A thirteen-year-old working on her CV.
It sounds crazy.
This is what our society has come to.
And yet I wonder about my role.
How much to I contribute to this frenzy of proving one’s self and their abilities?
What does this say about me as a person?
Am I that different from Amy Chua?
Less accomplished, and perhaps more covert, but no less intense.
Maybe I and my cohorts are but west coast California versions of the thesis by which she lives?
Honor your parents, work hard, seek to do your best in all things. This is your religion.
A member also of Mocha Moms, I attended our national convention last July 2011 where our keynote speaker was none other than Amy Chua.
Yes, I am an overachiever.
I confess.
As if no one knew. LOL
But is the joke really on me?
Does this stance on life ultimately help, or hinder my child?
I can only refer to our youngest when asking this question.
The dye has been cast for our two older daughters.
They have stepped upon their paths towards following their passion and achieving their dreams, proving themselves while learning and revealing what they are made of.
So much has been written this last year of Tiger Moms.
My mother was a Tiger Mom.
Or perhaps I should rephrase it as a Mother Lioness, or Leopard Mom or Cheetah Mom in that we are African-American.
And in this tradition, because of and in spite of all she did, I am the newly evolved, second generation cat mother, pouncing on every opportunity for our daughters to excel.
But what of the our fiercely feline daughters, the offspring of our pawing, grabbing and reaching for the best, the highest, the most developed and ambitious aspects of our hopes and wishes.
And what of the fact that when we or someone utters the words Tiger Mama it almost always involves a mother and her daughter?
Are you a Tiger Mom?
Cheetah Mama?
A fierce feline mother of great prowess?
If so, what is your story?
What hopes and dreams do you hold for your daughters and/or sons?
I was from that generation that was raised to “Uphold the Race.” All my actions as a Black American were a reflection of the entire Black Race. Neither of my parents had the opportunity to attend college but education was paramount to them. For their generation education was the pathway to freedom and economic independence. I have to admit I gave my mother and father a hard time however under duress and pressure from both parents and a collection of aunts I did graduate high school. During this period of rebellion I enlisted in the U.S. Army. It wasn’t until many years later that I earned my B.A. I suppose because I was 36 when I started and 43 when I finally graduated I put my all into my college years. Proud to say I graduated cum laude.
My 17 year old niece passed all her classes and will graduate this year. She is now in the process of taking Regents exams. I don’t really pressure her because due to her mothers addiction problems she has been to five high schools in four years. She just needs to graduate whether this month or even if she has to go to summer school. If she gets a 65 or 75 that’s good. She has already been accepted to the University in Albany so I explained to her that if she has to delay her entry until Jan. 2013 it’s fine. Kids in the public school system catch hell. The teachers and guidance counselors set up Black kids for failure. Family members must show a real interest in the child’s education just so your kid can get a fair shake. I just encourage her to do the best that she can. She wants to be an artist or something in the museum field.
DeBorah:
Again, I apologize for taking so long to respond to another one of your wonderful and enlightening comments that affirms the blog post.
Your story illuminates how our experiences of seeking to meet the standards our parents set establishes the foundation upon which we will transfer their wisdom, pass the torch of life’s eternal truths, onto the next generation.
We may rebel, yet no matter the age at which we step to the plate and meet the mark, the accomplishment delivers the same achievement, that of passing of life values that sustained our parents, have kept us in good stead and bequeath purpose and meaning to those who come after us.
The reason I am just now responding to your comment is that I had to drive our youngest (13 yrs. old,) having been elected to the student council at her school, to a 4-day leadership conference that she attended her fellow council members and 250 other student council members from various parish schools in the diocese.
Thanks again for not only visiting, but also taking the time to leave a wonderful and heartfelt comment.
Congratulations to your niece. She is lucky to have you in her life.
Peace and blessings to you and yours.