Vanencia Jaquia Lynch, an undergraduate student majoring in psychology at Xavier University, New Orleans, Louisiana, demonstrates a significant relationship between the psychological aspects of illusory superiority and attachment.
Ms. Lynch discovered this connection in a study she conducted, the details of which she discusses in “Mother-Daughter Relationships in Adulthood: Attachment, Self-Esteem and Illusory Superiority.” (XULA neXUS, Xavier University of Louisiana, Undergraduate Research Journal, Volume 9, Issue 1)
Lynch defines illusory superiority as perceiving one’s self as possessing more positive than negative traits when comparing our self to another person.
Attachment is one’s ability “…to feel the need for closeness or proximity to another… .”
As a psychotherapist, I like others, and quite second-naturedly, assess this ability in clients with whom we work during initial sessions or working with a client.
This assessment tells us what we can and often come to experience in our interactions with the client.
While there exist variant forms of attachment, it can be quite simply stated that some people have the ability to be with others and form relationships without experiencing varying degrees of anxiety and frustration concerning whether they other person will leave or abandon them and the degree to which they can trust the other person.
Then there are those for whom every second of interaction with another appears to be the extrapolation of a war wherein they are battling some invisible forces, most often projected onto the person or persons with whom they are interacting or to or with whom they desire or attempting to draw close.
We all know people and individuals who display this kind of interaction.
We can best describe the nature of our experiences with them as like being at one end of the veritable push-me/pull-you while at the other end stands the person who is pushing and pulling us.
The person never expresses the specifics of what they desire, most particularly in a relationship. And should any one ever think to have identified that which might bestow happiness or joy upon these anguished individuals, we find they exhibit displeasure or dispassion when we offer our gift.
All people possess and demonstrate some form of attachment.
Vanencia Lynch focused her study on the nature of attachment between women and their mothers.
In so doing she administered various scales/tests for assessing the psychological factors of self-esteem and the nature and type of attachment each participant, an undergraduate female (25 total,) experienced in relation to her mother or primary female caregiver.
Ms. Lynch even had them answer questions on a scale assessing illusory superiority.
She concluded that of the 25 female coeds in the study, those demonstrating higher levels of attachment towards their mothers and/or primary female caregivers also exhibited higher levels of illusory superiority.
Thus Ms. Lynch’s study revealed that regarding women, the existence of a significant correlation between attachment and the illusion that one is better, or I would add, better off, than another with and to whom they compare themselves.
On a differing note, Ms. Lynch’s data revealed the lack of a significant correlation between self-esteem and attachment.
The degree to which a person, more specifically a girl, possesses the ability to experience “… the need for closeness or proximity to another… ” has little to do with how a person, or in this case a young female either positively, or negatively defines herself.
I found these outcomes and conclusions quite interesting, as did Ms. Lynch.
At the outset of her experiment, Ms. Lynch predicted a positive connection between mother-daughter attachment, self-esteem, and illusory superiority.
She thought all three would support each other in a positive way.
The operative word for critical assessment of this study is illusory, more specifically, the illusion of superiority.
The very need to see one’s self as superior to another hints at a problem.
Regarding the nature and depth of attachment daughters experience and possess with their mothers, Ms. Lynch states in her discussion, and as expected, that an increase in the factor of illusory superiority points to and leads to a decrease in self-esteem, the former operating to compensate for lack of the latter.
Yet again what I found most interesting in Ms. Lynch’s study and discussion is the negative implications regarding the relationship between what can be defined as a close attachment with one’s mother and the illusion of feeling and fairing better than others.
British psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, John Bowlby, states, “Attachment is an emotional bond that surpasses a physical connection an individual has with another.”
The style of attachment a person displays or exhibits, reveals their level of …openness… in relating and interacting to and with another.
Likewise it also demonstrates and evidences the degree to which they desire closeness with or distance from another to achieve a level of emotional comfort.
That a close attachment between a mother and daughter does not necessarily yield higher self-esteem in that daughter goes against conventional thinking and what our human nature urges us to believe.
That this phenomenon of close attachment between a mother and daughter opens the door for an increased possibility of the daughter developing the illusion of superiority, a false belief or a mistaken sense of self utilized to compensate for a lack of self-esteem hearkens to the recent Time Magazine article urging parents and mothers to reflect upon the value of our daughters possessing the ability, to respectfully disagree with us.
The study in the Time Magazine article, Arguing with Moms Helps Fend Off Peer Pressure, concludes that a daughter’s ability to hold her own views distinct from her mother’s perceptions and to respectfully stand up for those views in the face of a mother’s consternation, correlated with a girl’s ability to transfer that show of independence into situations with peers coaxing and encouraging, if not attempting to coerce the girl to participate in unsafe behaviors and activities that could do damage to the girl’s physical body, her psyche and/or reputation.
The study and the article in Time Magazine urged parents, and mothers to strive towards parenting our daughters and nurturing them in ways that fosters autonomy rather than immediate capitulation to our way of thinking in the face of our disappointment in their not quickly taking our side of an argument or discussion.
Attachment and autonomy.
Closeness and proximity versus the ability to stand separate and distinct.
Another challenge for parents and most particularly mothers.
Perhaps the goal is the ability for mothers and daughters to stand close but remain clear and discernible.
What do you think on this matter?
What has been your experience with your own mother regarding these aspects of the mother-daughter relationship?
What, if you are the mother of a teen-age or young adult daughter, are your present experiences in these areas of interacting with your daughter?