children

Epiphany-Estelle-by-Heidi-9940116853_76481a2af4_o.jpg

Of Ambivalence, Epiphanies, and Sonnets of Compassion …

Despite all that I endured with my mother under her care, or lack of it, I was never ambivalent about my ability to love.

Even in the worst of times during my childhood, and while undergoing the nightmare of relationship with my mother, it has always seemed the easiest thing to love, the hardest to mistreat and push away, speak harshly to.

I cannot imagine being to my children as my

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The Star of Spring in Japan by David A. LaSpina 8619211980_2ba7cc0504_b.jpg

Of Text Messages, Letters and Maslow’s Highest Level of Needs …

Around eleven-thirty last evening I received a text from our youngest daughter stating that she and her schoolmates had arrived safely in Japan.

“We’re here and everything is good,” she had written. “I love you,” along with her code for letting me know she sent the text.

I wrote back,

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Of SUV’s, Omnipotence and Depression …

Something shifted inside me the day of the car accident, when the driver of the Jeep SUV slammed into the back of my SUV. Being hit from behind unearthed, exhumed all my fears of being caught off guard, being ambushed.

That’s what it felt like each time my mother criticized me and/or as a result of the anger and rage she experienced either in response to me and my actions of events out in the world, physically punished me.

As a child you believe that your

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Jack Deem Failure to Launch by Jack Deem--9922643964_774be84119_b

Of The Bone of a Trout, Piano Recitals and Failure …

My mother did not believe that children should be seen and not heard.

She believed that they should be seen, and heard, but in a way that shone brightly upon the parents. One time I was to play in a piano recital. We had fish for dinner that evening and unfortunately a fish bone became caught in my throat.

Frustrated and unable to remove the bone

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Cala Lily #1 byDoug Leany--13680974944_19e1ed7344_o.jpg

Of Being Needed, Appreciation and Matilda …

“I don’t need you. You need me. … I’m the mother. You’re the child.”

My mother’s statement to men when I was around ten or eleven years old echoed those of Danny DaVito, who played the father of the character, Matilda, played by Mara Wilson in the movie, Matilda.

“I’m big, you’re small. I’m strong, you’re weak. You need me. I don’t need you.”

My mothers’s words hurt.

Not until now

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