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Of Ambivalence, Epiphanies, and Sonnets of Compassion …

Despite all that I endured with my mother under her care, or lack of it, I was never ambivalent about my ability to love.

Even in the worst of times during my childhood, and while undergoing the nightmare of relationship with my mother, it has always seemed the easiest thing to love, the hardest to mistreat and push away, speak harshly to.

I cannot imagine being to my children as my

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Of SUV’s, Omnipotence and Depression …

Something shifted inside me the day of the car accident, when the driver of the Jeep SUV slammed into the back of my SUV. Being hit from behind unearthed, exhumed all my fears of being caught off guard, being ambushed.

That’s what it felt like each time my mother criticized me and/or as a result of the anger and rage she experienced either in response to me and my actions of events out in the world, physically punished me.

As a child you believe that your

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Of Hopes, Dreams, and Cheetah Mamas …

Now a mother of three daughters, a licensed psychotherapist and an author, I still lean back in awe at how much emphasis individuals of certain cultures, African-American included, place upon the success of our children.

Some weekends ago I attended the Senior Recognition Ceremony held each year by hundreds of Jack-n-Jill Chapters across the country, honoring the children of mother-members who having and preparing to graduate high school will in less than three months, leave for college.

Conversations during the meal, as usual, included

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Of Mothers, Sons and Actions that Leave Us Eternally Changed…

Grace…., a photo by Acoustic Soul on Flickr. It always happens this way. A shooting takes place in our nation. A person and/or others are killed while going about their day. Voices cry out, those of the bereaved family members and others in shock and anger. Stories of the incident make a virulent trek across

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Of Remembering, Mourning, and Striving to Become a Better Parent…

“What you can do as a parent is “strive to be like them.” The easiest way to do so is to consciously look back to your own childhood. Remember what it was like to be small, culturally disrespected and invisible, and everything that accompanied that, both the good and the bad. In this way you will find in your heart the understanding and empathy that can manifest the respect your child deserves. When you “think like a kid” you minimize the natural and cultural differences between generations to build the strongest, most sound foundation of a healthy relationship as a parent and child.” Want to Be a Better Parent? Think Like a Kid/Be a Better Parent by Thinking Like Kid by Linda Dobson

The first time I felt someone truly understood how difficult my childhood had truly been was when reading a book on alcohol and substance addiction when earning my MA in Psychology.

The most powerful and profound aspect of the text was the author’s clear and precise description of how

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Of Actions, Integrity and Trusting Our Choices…

In stating, “…mothers and daughters cannot serve as best friends to the other…,” Linda Perlman Gordon and Susan Morris Shaffer add in an excerpt from Too Close for Comfort: Questioning the Intimacy of Today’s New Mother-Daughter Relationship , that the …basic question… a mother must answer is: “…Do you trust your daughter to be an independent and self-sufficient woman? Can you support her in making choices and doing things differently from how you would do them?”

The answer a mother offers lies within her ability or inability to trust

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Of Breaths, Challenges and Handing Over the Reins…

“…[M]others and daughters can have a close bond, but should never take it to the level of being best friends…” say Susan Morris Shaffer and Linda Perlman Gordon, co-authors of Too Close for Comfort: Questioning the Intimacy of Today’s New Mother-Daughter Relationship.

“A best friend is different than a mother-daughter relationship,” says Shaffer in her interview

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