Throughout the time of our youngest daughter being in Japan I experienced an incredibly painful bout of sciatica, the most difficult in the recent past experiences. Normally it erupts following an extremely strenuous session of exercise.
But I have not been exercising to keep me weight down, rather I have been attempting to curb my eating by taking Garcinia Cambogia extract highly recommended by Dr. Oz.
I suspect that stress has played a key role in this particular bout of sciatica.
Writing what I know acknowledge is a memoir hurts.
While I am not exactly eager to write various scenes from my childhood, I do not feel my day is complete or has gotten underway until I write contribute to this book, the sections of which I am posting on my blog.
Yes, I am putting my story out there for the world to see and read.
After writing a collection of short stories and three novels,
I am finally offering up the narrative of my life as best as I can remember it.
While the times and particulars of the events are not always as clear as I would prefer, the emotions are quite present. There is no denying the hurt and pain I experienced and underwent.
At times I am ashamed of what I endured as a child. Then again, I know, as a psychotherapist, feeling this is way normal.
Another part of me fears that I am betraying my mother, setting free, revealing our little, dingy secret, as if we had a pact, she and I.
I would not tell on her. She would behave like the good and loving mother during my adulthood, and there we would have created the picture of a loving mother and daughter, each pretending to love the other deeply.
The falseness of it all hurts, at times, more than her behavior during the actual events of her abuse.
I often wonder where did my life go wrong?
Better yet, I struggle to understand, what did I, my mother’s daughter, do wrong to cause all of this to have happened?
Tags: Alex, blog, childhood, daughter, Dr. Oz, falseness, fear, Garcinia cambogia, Garcinia Cambogia and As Best as I Can Remember ..., loving, memoir, Misty morning, mother, Of Sciatica, scene, sciatica, secret, understand